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Puns are little "plays on words" that a certain breed of person loves
to spring on you and then look at you in a certain self-satisfied way
to indicate that he thinks that _you_ must think that he is by far the
cleverest person on Earth now that Benjamin Franklin is dead, when in
fact what you are thinking is that if this person ever ends up in a
lifeboat, the other passengers will hurl him overboard by the end of
the first day even if they have plenty of food and water.
- Dave Barry |
The "play on words" does not offend by itself.
An improvised pun can be as sharp, smart, and "ROTFLMAO" funny as any other
sort of humor.
When the setup becomes as contrived as those occasional movies
where the teenager need do X or lose his inheritance,
then the punster would serve society better by keeping his profound thoughts to himself.
I don't bother with "he or she" as puns seem to appeal mainly to boys -- teenaged nerds,
to be more precise. Is it no coincidence that there exist "C puns", a whole branch of
humor based on a programming language?
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Wit - the salt by which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by
leaving it out.
- Ambrose Bierce |
To save you some time, I've provided the punchlines of the most commonly seen "set it up for 10 minutes" type of narrative pun. Like some basketball games, the end is the only part that matters anyway. If you recognize where the pun is going, it is sometimes considered good manners to yell out the answer (though this point of etiquette seems to suffer from the usual double standard).
Never lock a gift mouse in the hearse.
The whirly bird gets the urn.
Warning! The searchin' general has determined that smoking ziggurats may be hazardous to your stealth.
Listen darling. They're fraying our thong!
Transporting gulls across the staid lion for immortal porpoises.
You should never hatchet your Counts until they've chickened!
it's a hickory daiquiri, Doc.
People in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones
Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.
Repaint and thin no more.
the first herd shot around the world
Don't you know what happens to men when they get too much test tossed around?
Don't put all your basques in one exit.
I guess I'll just have to face fax
"That", replied the professor, "was a flying Chaucer".
That's the first time I've ever seen carp-to-carp walleting.
Let your paiges do the walking through the yellow fingers
The company had not allowed enough margarine for error.
the Czech was in the Male
two obese Patties, Special Ross, Leonard Reese picking bunions on a Sesame Street bus.
The Whore-Force Men of the Park Ellipse
I've come to seize your berry, not to appraise it!
I guess I'm just not a very good conductor
he didn't leave one tern unstoned.
a reign was called off, because of game
Everyone knows there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!
He was so lucky that he found that Four Loaf Cleaver!
It's a knick-knack, Patty Black, give the frog a loan!
I wouldn't send a knight out on a dog like this.
the thong is ended, but the malady lingers on
Silly rabbi, kicks are for Trids!
The spirit was willing but the flash was weak.
Because two Wongs don't make a White.
The value of the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides
Only Hue can prevent Florist Friars
I left my harp in Sandcrab's disco!
Wow! That must have been a very panes-taking process!
Artie chokes three for one dollar at Ralphs
If the Foo shits, wear it.
Making an obscene clone fall.
an iced Kareem clone.
Ty, your yellow fibbin' browned the old folks' brie!
It was the beer that made Mel Famey walk us
I don't know, but his face sure rang a bell.
I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer
