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Past Articles
Teach Yourself HTM programming
Sometime, 1999
You can tell a Microsoftie-authored page, because the file "extension"
is .htm instead of .html. But there's more to "HTM" than file names;
here's how to write a Web page the MICROS~1 way.
Notes on Microsoft's Manual of Style
Sometime, 1999
Sometimes absolute power evokes an irresistible compulsion to
define the world around you.
Living in a Cave!
Sept. 29, 1999
It's the hottest cliche to use these days...
for those of you living in a cave.
Christmas music
Sept. 29, 1999
Um, I hate most secular xmas music.
Here's why.
Puns, Baby!
Mar. 11, 1999
Only the good stuff -- punchlines to dozens
of lousy puns without the tedious, contrived
setup.
Block that Ad!
Jan. 7, 1999
Your computer can intercept and discard
90% of the ads you see on the Web.
Here's why and how.
Merchants' 99-cent fetish
Aug. 12, 1998
One day, a shopowner had
the bright idea of ending all his prices with
a 9. The rest is history.
"You're insane!"
Apr. 15, 1998
Losing an argument? Here's some inflammatory, sticky labels
to put your opponent on the defensive.
Brain Bites
Apr. 15, 1998
Some thoughts that are too small for their own pages. High-tech dogs.
Why it's good to fake your mom's maiden name.
Case Sensitivity
Mar. 15, 1998
...sucks. Capital letters are for proper names and starting sentences, not
for Unix weenies to grant them entirely different meanings.
In Praise of the Poor
Aug. 2, 1997
Feeling down because you're unemployed? Would it help to know that it's
Fed policy to keep you there? Busting your butt in a low-paid job?
Well... our economy depends on people like you!
Stupid Author Tricks 1
Aug. 2, 1997
What kind of hack author would insert himself as a character for a cheap in-joke?
Ummmm... Stephen King. But he's not alone.
Stupid Author Tricks 2
Aug. 2, 1997
In which the monster is about to devour our fair diarist,
who hopes to be able to
finish one last sente-
A Sensible Sales Tax
Jul. 28, 1997
Forget the flat tax. Here's a way to abolish the IRS, let you keep your income,
and still run the country.
Street Names
Apr. 13, 1997
Tired of streets named after the trees the housing tract developers mowed down,
or after some cheesy strip of dealers selling the latest crap from Detroit?
Bad Guys
Feb. 8, 1997
Liberal Hollywood? Riiiight. Most movies are as moralistic as the old
E. C. Comics: the bad guy always gets it in the end, sometimes way out of
proportion.
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Food
"Do you really eat cereal dry, without milk?
YOU DO? Oh my god, that is so strange. I could never do that..."
Yes, I eat my cereal dry, and I always have to fend off the sorts
of comments you see above.
We're a culture of real busybodies when it comes to food, and many, many
people have nearly a phobic reaction to someone who conducts his life
even the slightest bit differently.
Why must they criticize others' preferences in food? It's really none of
their business. People have different likes and dislikes; that's why
restaurants have more than one dish on the menu. Suppose you don't like
mushrooms, and encounter one of these people. You could almost invent a
drinking game based on the fatuous comments sent your way, again and
again:
- "How come you don't like mushrooms???? I thought everyone liked them!"
(You're imagining the rest of the world as little copies of you. Stop that.)
- "Have you tried mushrooms?" (Um, no, I just develop random food grudges for
the hell of it. Of course I've tried them. But on the other hand, have you tried
a dogshit sandwich? No??? Then how do you know you won't like it?)
- "You haven't tried my mushrooms. I make them a special way."
(Oh, of course, you're a better chef than anyone else I've ever met.)
I've found the only reliable way to shut these people up is to lie:
"I'm allergic to them." I'm sorry to bandwagon with those of you with
true food allergies, but at least it's something the busybodies take seriously.
Until they invent a pill to cure it; then I'm in trouble.
You Auto Know:
News of your Benevolent Automobile and Oil Industries
DODGE RECALLS 375,000 TRUCKS FOR INSUFFICIENT TOUGHNESS
DETROIT (API) - The Dodge Truck Division of Chrysler, Inc. announced a
recall of
all 1998-model Dodge Ram 1500 V8 light pickup trucks sold in the U.S.
Due to a manufacturing defect, explained spokesperson Michael A.
Kaminski,
the trucks are "unfortunately, not Ram Tough." Nor are they, in counter
to the company's
spring 1998 television ad campaign, "the toughest trucks on the road."
Chrysler did not elaborate on the specific problem, but stated that
customers could
bring their trucks into the nearest authorized dealership for free
repairs.
The recall was announced two weeks after the New England Journal of
Medicine report
stating that 98% of Dodge Ram owners surveyed reported no increase in
penis size even
after six months of driving the trucks.
The Kurumian is part of a hobby site and has no schedule.
We've seen the results of columnists without an idea at all, but still
forced to write a few hundred words. It's inhumane. I won't do it here.
Kurumi.com is pretty road-heavy right now; there are areas for
Connecticut Roads,
3-digit interstate highways,
freeway interchanges,
a Java SignMaker, and
Trippy Drive '71,
which takes longer to load than explain, but not by much.
Also check out MusicPOWER,
my online music magazine.
For more info, check out the home page
(http://www.kurumi.com)
or the site map.
E-mail me at sto at kurumi dot com.
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